Jul 15
Jul 15
I’m supposed to post Hawaii part 2, but i’m going to interject here with a bit of a “life rant”. we’ll be back to your regularly scheduled programming soon.
I think i’ve always had a problem dealing with rejection and failure. which is strange, since i’ve dealt with that my entire life. from schools, to projects, to people. if you don’t know what i mean, just trust me on this. i have been rejected from every school i have ever applied to, before university. as for people… don’t even get me started.
maybe because i always believe my circumstances to be so unique; i’m always “the special case”. the wronged defendant. the underdog. the exception. the right person. when the truth is i’m probably no less deserving of anything (or anyone) than anybody else is. probably even less so, judging as how i’ve gone about things so far.
i like to think i hate to lose, but the truth is i lose more often than i win.
*updated thoughts*
maybe i’ve been putting too much emphasis on winning and losing. this fucking l aw sc hool corporate competitive culture is seriously starting to piss me off. maybe life isn’t about winning or losing, but rather the experience. i used to think that was loser talk, but the happiest people i know are the ones who go about their business without being affected (at least as bad as i am affected) by “winning or losing”. they remove themselves from the equation, almost like transcending the stupid rat race itself. hmmm…
</updated thoughts>
maybe its because i’m usually in control of my environment and situation, such that when dealing with something/someone i don’t like i will just pick myself up and remove myself from that situation or person. so i guess i hate it when that control sort of control is given away to someone/something else.
According to that guy in Serendipty, “You know the Greeks didn’t write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: “Did he have passion?”"
i’m begining to think its not such a good thing to have too much passion. because there’s no switch you can turn off. and it becomes a double edged sword.
BUT sometimes the things you know just need to be told to you from a different perspective. i must’ve told myself a version of this and heard it from numerous (read: W a yne) sources, yet it didn’t really hit me. until the following with HP.
how about this for conversations that stick with you for life:
Pa mmca kes says:
you did mention alot of serious stuff today, but maybe i wasnt taking you seriously enough
Pa mmca kes says:
is everything ok?
R says:
er
R says:
yeah
R says:
other than the grades and girls
R says:
and life
Pa mmca kes says:
yeah
Pa mmca kes says:
but you are being a bit silly. i think you’re wonderful
R says:
yeah well too bad that life doesn’t care what you think HP
R says:
it comes and kicks your butt all the same
R says:
sometimes it kicks it multiple times
R says:
let your guard down for just 5 minutes
R says:
with someone you THINK you love
R says:
and BANG
R says:
there it is
R says:
to kick your butt
R says:
i’m sorry HP
R says:
thanks for being nice
R says:
and putting up with my fucking bullshit
Pa mm cakes says:
life isnt a person. life doesnt kick you. life does care what i think because i make up a bit of what makes up your life. life can be shit, and it sometimes can be good. the world isnt against you because a certain person doesnt feel the same way about you. it isnt life kicking your butt. and we deal with life.
how the fuck can you still feel crappy after that??
thanks HP
I think what you’ve picked up here is one of the more effective techniques in dealing with the disappointments in life – altering one’s perspective. Reality is, after all, simply one stem of consciousness among many others. It’s pretty normal to endure constant struggles and find difficulty accepting failure and disappointment so you’re not exclusively experiencing that (READ: You are not alone, my friend), albeit we may each be confronting it in different forms. I’m sure you and I have probably heard the same adages about how it cultivates experience and wisdom. Nonetheless, it’s true and worth reiterating and remembering when things seem to have taken darker turns. I agree passion may be all-consuming at times, but I find that in learning to control it or to subvert it for other purposes can be an interesting lesson in personal development itself. PS I love the fact that you used the one quote from Serendipity (a movie I have watched countless times) that I found most profound since seeing it for the first time (aside from the best written obit on film ever!). Passion IS a sense of commitment to a purpose, but it ISN’T this flash flood of emotion for a pursuit of some kind which I think most people misunderstand it as. I interpreted the quote as meaning that passion is something to cultivate over time, so simply put – nurture, nurture, nurture. Law school is a horrible apparatus to measure one’s self-worth, particularly when the system is so artificial. Love yourself and stop giving a fig about what other people think of you. You deserve everything.